What makes a conversation crucial?

When opinions vary, stakes are high and emotions run strong. The human automatic emotional response, the book explains, paralyses our ability to converse effectively. Fight or flight, both initiated by an adrenalin rush, convert in conversational terms into the stumbling blocks of heated argument or silence and withdrawal.

The benefits

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, praises Crucial Conversations in his foreword: “This is a breakthrough book.” By the end of the first chapter I was beginning to see what he meant. In a conversational style with anecdotes, the book shows that crucial conversations really do affect our lives. Handled well, they enhance careers, sharpen organisations, improve relationships, revitalise communities and even contribute to better personal health.

How it can work for you

The book uses sound research and basic principles. Some 20,000 people were quizzed and behaviours observed over a 25 year period to understand what makes influential people. Success in conversations and influence comes from the free flow of information, when people “openly and honestly express their opinions, share their feelings and articulate their theories, even when their ideas are controversial or unpopular” (my underlining). Ten chapters explain what must be done to stay in dialogue “no matter the circumstances.” We can do it. We can create dialogue as the path of least resistance with “key skills of talking, listening and acting together” as we “master the tools for talking when the stakes are high.”